Friday, April 15, 2011

Why I love my brother.

Because he's hilarious.

From an email to Dad and I:

"I know I spend a great deal of time ignoring domestic politics, but what? Donald Trump is running for president? I think, surely this is a joke. Why in God's name would anyone consider voting into office a man with so little self-esteem he has to wear a hairpiece?

In an effort to educate myself, I did a quick search to find what surely must be the sensible, practical, businessman-like planks in this long-shot platform.

First I find out Trump is insisting that Obama doesn't have a birth certificate. Whew. That's a whole big can of worms, not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole. I finally find some planks:

Pro-life[73]
Against gay marriage[77]
Anti-gun control[73]
Advocates for the repeal and replacement of Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act[73]
Anti-foreign aid[73]
Believes the U.S. should disengage in Iraq and Afghanistan[80]
Supports a fair trade policy and believes generally that the People's Republic of China should be considered more of an adversarial competitor, subjected to significant import tariffs as a response to China's currency policy in order to help balance the U.S. budget.[78][79]


(taken from Wikipedia)

Wait what? What was that last one? Aren't "fair trade" and "significant import tariffs" kind of opposites? A little research tells me Trump has a problem, not just with China, but with OPEC and the Koreas as well. A bit more digging:

Quote on North Korea:
“Excuse me, there’s another example. They haven’t done anything with respect for North Korea. They can solve the North Korean problem with a phone call.”
Really? Can they? Please share with us your foreign policy wisdom, oh Trump.

And South Korea:
"It’s absolutely ridiculous. Why are we protecting them? They’re making hundreds of billions of dollars off the United States yearly. Why aren’t they paying us for protection?
Ah. I see. We can just extort money from countries under our nuclear umbrella. That should go well. Glad he wasn't in charge during the Cold War.

On OPEC:
Trump says that if he were president, he would simply tell the 12-country cartel that they aren’t going to raise prices “and they would listen… We have tremendous leverage. OPEC wouldn’t even be there if it wasn’t for us. Namely, we protect them.”
Oh good, the extortion plan again. I'm beginning to get a feel for Trump's keen business sense. Was he in the Mafia?
Sounds like a plan, Respectable Businessman Trump. You want to "restore American exceptionalism" by pointing out to the world that we can be exceptionally large jerks.

Last chance to redeem yourself, Trump. Bonus round on Libya: ""The first thing I'd do with Gadhafi is I'd go to the Arab league and I'd say, 'we'll do things...we'll do plenty of things but you're going to pay us for it."

Move over global policeman Obama, here comes soulless international mercenary Trump, defender of the American Way, but only if you pay us.

But surely the Trump has a good sense on China, right? Maybe we can just find him some foreign policy advisors or something- he's a businessman after all, not a diplomat.

“I think we should tax Chinese products until such time as it equalizes..."

This is an interesting perspective. I've always wanted to see what a trade war with China would be like. I find an interview with Wolf Blitzer:

"These are not our friends. These are our enemies. These are not people that understand niceness. And the only thing you can do, Wolf, to get their attention is to say either we're not going to trade with you any further or, in the alternative, we're going to tax your products as they come into the United States."

At this point I'm having a good time, laughing at how hopeless Trump is, reading his terrible interviews, until I find this.

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/politics/Trump_tops_Romney__Pawlenty-117496043.html

...

So a man who practically said he'd go to war with China is leading our sensible, average, normal politicians in the polls?

Please, Sarah Palin, I'm sorry I ever ridiculed you. Come back. Run for President. I'll say I'm sorry. Just please, make Trump go away."

Love ya Dave.