But... tonight was a beautiful night here in Sewanee, TN. Full moon. Soft wind that tosses your hair around and makes music in the trees and is just cool enough to wake you up with the freshness. Midnight blue sky.
And tonight was one of those nights where you just can't help but feel ridiculously alive.
Maybe it's that high on life that makes you wanna dance.
Or that song on the tip of your tongue.
And then you get a glimpse of how life was meant to be lived.
Just divinely aware, unabashedly passionate life
Then, in that, you live.
And begin to dream.
Tonight, I ended up on the very top of Walsh Ellet, amongst the gravel of the roof and the breath of the wind.
Lately, I've been falling back into old patterns of frustration and cynicism at our culture in general and a lot of the overwhelming things that come with North American Universities. And I let it get to me tonight, manifested in my silence. Alone in the crowd, seething and crying inside. All at the same time. But then I walked out of the room and found myself taking off my shoes with a friend and setting out through the grass.
And you see, the beauty of the night came from the beauty of this friend's passion and love of life. I am completely astounded by contentment and inner peace, because sometimes those things are so foreign to me.
After ending up on the roof, watching the shooting stars blaze their way across the cosmos, I talked into the wind for a while, my friend listening and letting me get frustrated. Silent. Listening. And then out of the silence I hear, "Ok Will, sometimes you just need to be quiet and listen. Because you're probably drowning out God with all that thinking and talking."
oh.
Boy, do I do that all the time. I'm so easily cynical. And bitter. That I let the beauty get sucked out of life. But tonight, I got the deadness in me sucked out by the pure ecstasy of someone who was alive. Someone who probably doesn't often worry about "what it means to be alive." Or how to be alive. But rather, just lives.
And I was reminded of the beauty of silence. God speaks in the silence I think. And I so often don't let him and wonder why I can't hear him even when there's so much noise in my life.
And after this conversation, we stood up and let the wind blow us as we stared at the moon. Somewhere around there, I felt the weight on my shoulders gone and the joy inside of me started to dance. Tonight, I think it was a beautiful waltz. For it was peaceful. And lovely. Not too fast, but not too slow. And it didn't have to be that technical, just some simple repetitive steps.
But it was a dance. And it was beautiful.
Emily Dickinson said, "Find ecstasy in life, the mere sense of living is joy enough." I think, thanks to a friend, I saw that joy again, and my soul started to sing and dance once more.
"We are traveling together like companions on a quest--and going slow enough to notice our surroundings... Perhaps it is in the journey, not the destination, where we will unearth our vital connection to God and one another. And surely this is a quest we were made to embark on together."
-Mark Scandrette
So here's to life. And jazz music.
lovewill
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